It only took yelling at her mom about a mocha to turn around an obsession with maintaining an un-natural body shape. Mary Jelkovsky now brings women together with her podcast, retreats, online courses and a Gift of Self-Love workbook to free people from the torment she used to face herself. (She’s got a moving Ted Talk on her own journey towards body acceptance, so click on her name above if you have a minute to check it out.)

Have you ever looked back at yourself in hindsight with a totally different perspective? Sometimes it takes only minutes to find the new perspective. Sometimes it takes years (and the help of therapy, nutritional education, and possibly medication).

One of the incredible rewards of my work as a psychotherapist is seeing people change how they think about themselves. When I meet with someone who would do something like Ms. Jelkovsky did in her illness (rebuking a coffee drink out of terror that it will make her disgusting, unloveable, and a failure), I have seen over the years that if she is willing, she can join in knowing that a mocha is just a mocha. Drink it or not- we each have innate value, regardless of our size, shape, or color. A mocha or a pizza or a cookie won’t change our innate individual value.

These changes are bigger than what can happen in a few minutes. These changes cost money and time and maybe most challengingly, they need a level of determination that sometimes doesn’t come until enough pain happens. But changes are definitely possible.